Body Pillows

Are you an overweight dude in his mid-30s? Do you live according to “the way of the blade”? Do you love Anime more than your family? Have you just realised that the only person you have spoken aloud to in the last 8 days is the Domino’s guy?

If you have answered yes to any/all of these questions, you are going to love the new Get Krack!n official body pillows! Even though McCartney and McLennan find your body and your personality repulsive to the point of nausea, the body pillow versions of them think you are just great! They won’t ever tell you to wash, they think your new fedora is cool, and they are super impressed by your concealed flick knife and skull-shaped lighter you have in your trench coat as part of your “everyday carry”.

No one loves you and no one ever will. But if you keep this body pillow in your bed you will never need to feel the touch of another human being ever again! (Not that you would anyway, which is another reason to snap these up while you can!)

Sorry, this is sold out.

Toilet Paper

Going to the dunny? Grab some Get Krack!n official toilet paper: Get Krappin’! Wipe the faeces from your arsehole and surrounding area, or the piss from your genitals, with this double-ply, soft-as-a-cloud, pure white delight. Made from only the finest wood pulp from old-growth Tasmanian forest, Get Krappin’ is the crème de la crème of toilet tissue.

Over a hundred species of plant and animal life have been made extinct by the rampant deforestation used to create this toilet paper, so you might as well buy some otherwise they all died in vain. So give some purpose to the dead, and to the Tasmanian devils blinded by their malignant facial tumours due to eating poison placed by our forest clearing team, and buy a pack of Get Krappin’ today!

Sorry, this is sold out.

BEKJUT BIRTHPLAN

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